Faith

      I had a revelation yesterday.  Before I impart this outstanding bit of inspiration with you,  I'll give you a little lead-in to where I'm coming from...

As a scientist in training, I am constantly hounded by tangibles.  In layman's terms, "if it ain't there, it don't exist."  You see, our brains are programmed to look for things that aren't necessarily there.  We also have the incredible ability to "fill in" missing information.  Take the illusion below as an example.  I can assure you that there are no lines to establish the center triangle outlined by the black "Pac-man like" circles (blow it up and look closer if you don't believe me).  We see lines however (if you don't, you should go see your doctor).  See, our brian inserts them to make something familiar, something we recognize, something we can make sense of.  It's a neat neuronal programming that Darwin (natural selection) gave us, and is very useful in many different circumstances.

Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/justdreamingaway/sets/72157616220258313/detail/

This program however, is not always useful in science.  In fact, as I mentioned earlier, scientists in training are taught to avoid "looking for" or "seeing" what isn't there.  It leads to false results, bad experiments and potentially a ruined career.  History does not soon forget epic failure :)

So what is my point?  My point is that I have trouble with faith.  I've never been a "religious" guy, never been one to really believe in anything I couldn't see, experience, or prove.  I don't believe in ghosts, and I'm still not really sure about the whole God thing.  Yet this concept of faith has been put into a new context lately, and I am rapidly starting to realize the importance of believing in what we can't see.  So I am encouraging myself to begin building this foundation of faith- and I am starting by reading a daily book that my uncle gave to me for my high school graduation called "Your Best Life Now" by Joel Osteen. Don't get me wrong, I think this Joel Osteen guy is an evangelical nutcracker, but the guy has some good points in his book.  

The message today was to keep focused on a goal we set out to do.  So often when we set out to do something, we are all pumped up and ready to attack our goal.  But in the long term, we become lackadaisical and complacent.  We lose our drive and our sight of the bigger picture.  It is important to realize that to become better, we need to push past the walls in front of us to reach the ultimate goal.

I hope you work on faith in your life.  Whether it be your faith with God, with your relationships, or with yourself, it is an important virtue.  Try one thing this week to build or strengthen your faith; I guarantee you'll feel better about yourself when you do!

Cheers

Stupidity

      Today I had a very humbling feeling.  I felt completely stupid.  What's more than that, I got to experience this feeling in front of all (well, most of) my peers in my program.  The Loyola Graduate program has a wonderful class called journal club, which my program schedules once every two weeks.  At each meeting, one student volunteers to present a paper to the program.  Today was my day.
With the chosen topic of translational research (research that directly translates into treatment, better known in the science world as "benchtop to bedside"), I chose a paper about Alzheimer's Disease.  I made the error of only reading the abstract and introduction of the paper before submitting it to the advisor for approval.
      Fast forward one week.  In the last three days I spent 15 hours reading and taking notes on this paper.  This is aside from all the other studying and classwork I have to do on a daily basis.  One would imagine after 15 hours of reading an 11 page paper that I would be well prepared.  I would assume the same thing.  The fact is, I wasn't prepared.  I wasn't clear on the material I had read, I wasn't sure how to present something I knew nothing about to people who knew a lot about it.  Bottom line is I felt that I embarrassed myself.  I was angry, demoralized, upset...pissed off.  Running on about 4 hours of sleep inflamed the emotions.  An exam on Monday churned my stomach at the thought of now having to go study and focus on the next task.  And then, I remembered something.
      I remembered that this was what I wanted.  I remembered that even in failure, I was still living my dream.  I remembered that there were kids, lots of kids, who would've given anything, who WOULD give anything to have this graduate spot.  I remembered that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  It humbles you when you realize how little you know.  I know that success will not come without failure, I know that failure will not always be this easy, and I know that I need periodic failure in order to maintain focus.  It keeps me hungry.  It keeps me driven.  Maybe the most important thing I learned today is that my passion for my profession highly outweighs my disappointment in defeat.  Tomorrow will be better, and next time... I'll be ready.

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark.  The real tragedy is when men are afraid of the light." -Plato

Cheers.

Finding Fate

       I spent a lot of time trying to think of a name for my new blog.  I guess "Finding Fate" means a lot for me.  It reflects the intentions of my career, my relationships, and the course of my life.  I've been living in Chicago now for only about a month, but it has been a month that has drastically changed my perspective of the "real world."  Homelessness is very prevalent, as is high society.  You can walk through Loyola Hospital and see the apex of success and intelligence in doctors, researchers, nurses, and turn the corner and see patients that wouldn't be living if it weren't for the tube in their trachea.  There are the highest highs and the lowest lows, and they are frequently juxtaposed.  Today I could've taken a picture of a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk next to a Rolls Royce.
       I've never had things put in perspective the way I have in the last month.  I'm relatively certain the hardest things I've had to do in the last 30 days are take exams, say good-bye to Jess, and figure out how to live in Chicago with $100/week for food.  In my own little world, I sometimes think I have it tough.  In reality, I'm an employee of one of the top 50 hospitals in the country, getting paid to get my Ph.D.  I have full health insurance.  I have food on my table and a roof over my head, something the guy that lives on my street can't say.  I have it pretty damn good.
       In the end, I've learned that not much goes the way we plan it.  Part of being successful is adapting, making smart choices, and not being afraid of failing.  If you asked me a year ago where I saw myself in a year, this would've been one of the most unlikely places I could have envisioned.  Yet here I am.
       So here's to new adventures, new friends, and new experiences.  Here's to knowing where you're going, but not forgetting where you started.  Here's to the wonderful support from my family, and the friends who I would be nothing without.  Here's to my incredible girlfriend.  Here's to hard work, and great success.  Here's to finding fate.

Cheers